Lately I have found myself at several crossroads in my life. Things I never thought I would face and have to deal with. Unfortunately that's the way life is. It will throw you curve balls. Its how you decided to act that will determine the outcome of those hard strikes. In general I try to be an optimistic person but people and circumstances can bring a person down. And again that is life we are each responsible for our own actions and agency, we dont have control over what others do or think. On the flipside, Life has been very good to me. I really cant complain and say I havent been blessed. I thought in lots of ways my life was almost perfect. That came crashing down and pulled me back into reality. I have found myself realizing so much about myself that I never knew I would discover and learn. See, even the "perfectness" of things can wear on a person. Is it all just an illusion or can people really have it all? Nope. I dont think so. I have come to the conclusion that if we did have it "all" then what would we strive for? What would give us the drive to keep going? And if we did have it all then the other blessings we get on top of it, are just extra for safe keeping? Why would someone else be so much more blessed than another. No one has it "all". And if they say they do they are only fooling themselves. God blesses each individual the way he sees fit to. It is in his hands. But we also have been given our free agency and the choices and decisions we make will determine how our life turns out.
I often wonder if my life was the way it was supposed to be. One decision changed my life forever. One. That one decision shaped me into the adult I would become and the life I would have. Or did it? I have been very happy and blessed in so many ways because of that one decision. That one decision did however change my life, I have just held the power that has molded my life into what I make of it. What a neat concept. Only a wise, loving God would have bestowed this gift to us.The power to choose and the power to determine how the story will end, for the most part. But for the most part.( sorry I had to throw that in there) I have taken it upon myself to mold myself and be a better person. Being a mother of three, I am responsible for their lives and the way it can turn out. So does that mean one decision I make on their behalf can change their life forever too. Possibly. How scary. Being a person here on earth having our own life experiences can be overwhelming in its own but then having to decide the future of three others is almost daunting. Can I possibly make the right decisions for them all of the time? Probably not. But I at least have to try. Life is such a beautiful, tragic, wonderful, complex experience. I hope can cannot take it forgranted. Such easy, soft words to say but the actions can speak much louder.
2 comments:
So, so true!! Isn't it amazing how much we worry about our choices and the consequences, and then worry about our kids and the choices they are making or we are making for them? I often wonder the same things you are! And I just hope and pray that my kids will be ok, even if I mess up, you know?
Amen, girl! I think we all can only do the best we can do. It's amazing how intertwined our lives are with other people and how their choices can affect us as well. But lucky for your kids, you and Mitch are awesome parents and I think if we get the basics right, all our little mistakes will be camoflauged in the end. I'm banking on it!
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