Reinventing my own wheel...

I have been thinking alot lately. ALOT. I have been praying more than I do. Alot more. I have had feelings inside that have resurfaced and again caused me the pain and depression I once felt. Its so hard to move past our trials and our offenses that we felt someone "caused". I went visiting teaching yesterday and I have the privilege of having a sister who I think sits on her own pedestal. She is probably the most faithful, loving, gospel living person I know. Her testimony and charity shines through her each day. I want to be just like her when I grow up. But we were talking about how people treat eachother. And she said some things that have stuck to me like glue. Her compassion on tis subject really got my wheels turning. I shared with her that I have been having some problems with another sister in the ward and that I am taking offense to her actions it seems like every time she opens her mouth. Becky said to me "Holly, you must find it in yourself to have charity with her." As she said this I realized that I often think of charity as helping those in need or bringing a meal to someone, not accepting someone else for who they are. This got me wondering more about charity.
I found this quote by President Monson about Relief Society and Charity. “I have always loved your Relief Society motto: 'Charity never faileth' (1 Corinthians 13:8). What is charity? The prophet Mormon teaches us that 'charity is the pure love of Christ' (”Moroni 7:47). In his farewell message to the Lamanites, Moroni declared, 'Except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God' (Moroni 10:21). I consider charity-or 'the pure love of Christ'-to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient“ (”Charity Never Faileth,“ general Relief Society meeting, Sept. 25, 2010).This and another topic has been healing the wound I have been digging in my heart for some time now. My sweet friend Katie sent this to me. I love it. It has helped me realize where I am in my life. It isn't where I want to be. Much to work on, Much to do. I need to reinvent my wheel.

"I once knew a man who had to decide whether to pay his tithing every time his check came, whether to go to his meetings every time they were held, whether to take an alcoholic drink every time he was offered one. Finally a friend asked him: “Why can’t you just decide once and for all which side you’re on? Why do you have to re-examine your loyalty every time a decision is called for? You are spiritually reinventing the wheel over and over again, and you will never make any progress until you can build on what you already know.
A few weeks later he called his friend and asked for a ride to some stake meetings. The friend was pleased he was going, and when he told him so, the man responded: “You know, I wouldn’t like it if my wife told me she had to decide every morning whether she still loved me or not, or if she told me she only stayed with me because she hadn’t found a reason to leave—yet. I guess the Lord is entitled to more of a commitment than that from me. I’m ready to stop reinventing the wheel and move on.”

Some people are basically saying, “well, today I think the Church is true, but ask me again tomorrow.” There must come some point at which our commitment to the gospel and our conviction of its truth settles questions of faith in advance and predetermines our response to whatever challenges that commitment.
A testimony isn’t like a hypothesis in science, which may be supported by evidence one day and destroyed by it the next. It is a conviction based on the evidence of things not seen that some things are eternally true. The provisionally converted are those who just haven’t found a reason to leave—yet. Just as such a relationship would be unsatisfactory in a marriage, so it is unsatisfactory in the spiritual marriage of the gospel. Such individuals need to become converted, to receive the witness of the Spirit and the conviction that accompanies faith. Just as partners in a truly celestial marriage say, “we are sealed, no matter what,” so a truly converted member says: “I am a member of this church. My lot is cast with the Apostles and prophets—no matter what. Above all other issues, loyalties, agendas, and commitments, this is where I stand.”
Without such a prior commitment, some new policy or required sacrifice, some imagined (or real) offense on the part of Church leaders, might challenge our endurance. Of those who fluctuate in their commitment, the Lord said that they have no “depth of earth” in which to sow the word of the gospel, and when trials come, by and by they are offended. We must not fear to send the roots of the gospel deep into our hearts.Besides keeping the commandments, other component parts of remaining faithful to our covenants include:
• Looking unto Christ
• Taking upon us the name of Christ
• Feasting upon the words of Christ and pressing forward in steadfastness, hope, and love
• Offering our whole souls to Christ and continuing in fasting and prayer
• Following the example of Christ
• Worshipping the Father in the name of Christ
• Seeking to bring forth Zion
• Being patient in afflictions and humble in repentance

Notice that the common focus of all of these exhortations is loyalty to Christ. Consequently, enduring to the end is more than just “being active” in the Church. Enduring to the end requires a personal awareness of obligations made to the Savior and a personal determination to keep those covenants faithfully. While the term “being active” describes visible behavior, “enduring faithful to the end” describes an inner commitment to the gospel and to the church of Jesus Christ. It’s possible to appear to be an active member of the Church without such a conviction.
Occasionally, those who cannot keep their commitments seek to justify themselves by separating loyalty to Christ from loyalty to his church, but this is impossible. Our covenants in the restored gospel of Christ are covenants which specifically include our relationship with his church and which are administered through his church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We cannot endure to the end in those covenants without enduring to the end in that church. This is made clear by the Savior himself: “And now, behold, whosoever is of my church, and endureth of my church to the end, him will I establish upon my rock, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against them.” There are no private arrangements. Enduring in one’s covenants means enduring in the Church. God will not excuse those who leave the Church, thinking that they have good reasons or that they can keep covenants made in and through the Church while rejecting the Church. No matter what their intentions, they are deceived. By definition, if they have not lasted, they have failed to endure to the end." This talk was by Stephen E. Robinson ENDURING TO THE END

Having the "pure love of Christ" means leaving all judgements and indiscretions at the door. Do not allow them to enter your heart and mind. Having the faith and love of others is more charitable than any meal brought to someone. I haven't been having charity in my heart for some in my life. It is going to be my own personal challenge to find out how to do this when overcoming this trial I have been faced with. I hope that this inpsires those who read my blog to be more giving of yourself and your charity of heart. I need to quit reinventing the wheel that is bringing me back to this same place in my life.